Give it a Try. Whispered the Heart.

Today is one of those days which is not a great day.  Woke up with a horrendous back ache.  Sometimes it happens from sleeping on the lilo, which means I probably need to add more air to it because it's not hard enough.  One does occasionally need to add air to keep it firm.

Then there have been the tears. It's hormonal, but even so, on this day my dreams and hopes seem further from me than ever, and one dream in particular seems so far away.  It is a dream I cannot ever discuss in public due to it's proprietary nature.  And the tears come to my eyes when I think of it and how far away it seems, an impossible goal.  And then the doubts and self-defeatist thoughts wash through my soul with their sharp, painful edges to injure and scar me and reopen old wounds that never seem to heal.  This is one of those days when my soul feels the piercings and woundings.

And yet I sit in a place of complete basic provisions of living.  But I want a life, and that is something that always seems just out of reach.  Perhaps that's why becoming a touring cyclist means so much to me... because it's about finding life.  A life unfettered.  A life of exploration of new possibilities.

I had a hard time when I first arrived here because I was so anemic, so tired all the time and still perhaps recovering from the shock of dreams shattered.  Today I feel that shock anew.  I'm a bit put off by foreign travel now because I would be absolutely mortified if I ever had to go through customs detention like that again. I would just be permanently put off forever by foreign travel. Zing! Another self-defeatist shard just carved a chasm through my heart.

 I have started a new Sherlock book, but it's not really taken off yet for me although I know approximately what I want to do with it.  It will build on the foundation I have already established and is a sequel of sorts, but not of the mystery in the first one.

Six weeks in

I've been here now for six weeks.

In this six weeks I have slept a lot, eaten a lot (too much!), and finished writing my book.  Yes, the book is done.  It's online and available to be read but it would make much more sense if one is up to speed on all 9 episodes of BBC's SHERLOCK.  It's a good book and I'm happy with it.  So happy that I'm starting another one.  It's not a direct sequel but I'll say it's part of a series.  The response has been positive to the first book, and that's good.

Today it's raining, and we're expecting some quite heavy rain this week.  That'll be good for the drought, but it will all be dried up by next week as if it had never happened.  It doesn't seem to bother the hummingbirds who are still out there in force sucking up the sugar water like little drunkards.

On Thanksgiving day I drove the landlady and her mother into Glendale to a Scottish restaurant/pub called Tam O'Shanty's where they met with other family members.  We're going again around Christmas.  The food is great but I won't be ordering again what I ordered because I just ordered too much food.  Well, they are very generous on the meat portions, and as delicious as it was, I won't be ordering meat again.  An appetizer and a side dish are plenty.  The creamed spinach came inside a big Yorkshire pudding and that was a meal by itself.  One of the appetizers was cream cheese filled dates that were wrapped in bacon.  I could have eaten a zillion of those things.  They also had limpa bread, which is a very dark Swedish rye - dark like chocolate cake, and with a very soft texture.  I took some of that home and reheated in the toaster oven.  Very, very good.

I've been so reluctant to purchase anything outside of what I've needed to sustain myself, but I finally gave in and got a couple of pillows, a little mat for in front of the kitchen sink, and some green cloth napkins for Christmas which I will fold into Christmas trees. I also purchased the book, "The Sherlock Chronicles" which is coming from the U.K.  That will, of course, have to go into storage in about 3 months when I hit the road again.

Besides all that it's just quiet here.  I spend much of my day writing or at the computer.

New Possibilities

Here I was today just doing some editing on Chapter 12 (as I write this I am actually on Chapter 13) while my Twitter feed was scrolling at an alarming rate when up pops a message in Facebook from a fellow touring cyclist whom I hosted back in March/April.  He's been in New Zealand for the past few months (?) on a tour and will be returning to California on Nov. 22, to his wintering grounds in Borrego Springs.

He suggested that maybe we could ride together some after the wintering.  I am fine with that idea.  I then suggested that maybe I could ride down to visit him while he was down there.  It would mean I was gone from here for a bit, but that's okay.  I'd have to figure out exactly where he was, and it would take me a few days down and a few days back.  But I wouldn't have to carry as much stuff on the bike, probably since it would just be a "short" journey.  Definitely worth thinking about.  Definitely worth doing.

(laces are actually orange)

Would be nice to have a traveling companion who has probably 30,000+ touring miles under his belt.

I've been taken to the New Balance shoe store where I was fitted for some new shoes - paid for by the landlady where I am getting the free rent.  Mens, size 10 - EEEE width.  Yeah, I have funky shaped feet. If they were hairy, they'd be like Hobbit feet.  Then she bought me another pair that were slip-ons so that I didn't have to lace up the trainers each time I had to go outside.  Yeah, probably well over $250 in shoes for me today. And she keeps buying me new underwear.  Well, I have new underwear already that I haven't gotten to, and I tell her that really I can't take all of it on the bike. Maybe a week's worth, max.  Now I have around three weeks worth!  Plus new tops and pants and even a sort of cardigan thing and one skirt (not that I have but the new shoes to wear with the skirt, and the shoes are not really dress shoes!  And did I mention I don't wear skirts or dresses?).  However, the 2nd pair will come in handy for those midnight camping times when I have to leave the tent for the loo and don't want to step on anything nasty.

This is all just another way of how God is providing for me... giving me new shoes for the journey I will be on, shoes that I wouldn't have been able to afford, nor that I had time to go get.  The way I see it is that after the whole Britain excursion was just cut off from me - God completely closed that door there - that God provided a soft, comfortable landing for me to recover from the shock of having my dreams completely shattered.  Yes, shattered.  So the first two weeks were with a best friend, and now I will spend 4-1/2 months surrounded by the love of other friends.  Also, San Gabriel has a lot more hill work that can be done than where I used to live.  So I can build up better.

One thing left to get, really, and that would be a couple of new bras or sports bras.  The two I have are getting ratty.  Would like to get a proper fit, however, and that won't happen at K-Mart or Target, so I will have to just do my best at those stores.

I have definitely been told that I can stay in the apartment rent-free through February 2015, and that's probably about the time I will want to get on the road anyhow.  Not sure of which direction I will go except to head eastward.  If I choose to go with my friend who is a touring cyclist, we'll plan a route together.

A little rain tonight in the San Gabriel Valley with a little thunder.  Much needed moisture.

Priorities

Had I been in Scotland as had been planned, one of the things I would have put on my schedule was to see the filmed National Theatre production of Frankenstein with Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller.  Twice.  Because they swapped the roles of the creature and the Doctor.  It's playing here in the US as well.  In fact, it was playing 2.5 miles from where I currently am staying in San Gabriel, and I discovered yesterday afternoon that it was showing yesterday night (one showing only) with Benedict as the creature.  Well, I dropped everything and made a walk for the theater.  Yes, I could have taken the bus, but finances are limited and the ticket price was already $17 (thank you Fandango for the $2 processing free!  Not!).  My left foot, which has been sore for a bit, was not entirely happy with the walk there and even less happy with the walk back.  However, it has little soreness today from the excursion.

I will say this - that Benedict was fantastic.  In fact, I kept looking at him and trying to find him... and he was so made up, his movements so distorted and his voice so distorted, that although I knew it was him, I forgot it was him.  There was nothing recognizable.  He is on stage flopping and flailing about by himself for many minutes at the beginning... and what strength he had to have to do that.  Really had to be in good conditioning... which would have been true of the entire play because it was so physical for the creature, and that I found fascinating. His voice was distorted almost as if he'd suffered a stroke.  It was all very effective.  So I'm interested to see how JLM does it when Ben is playing the doctor.  Hopefully someday this will be released on DVD.

That's what I would have done in Scotland had I been there.  Glad I can do that here.

In the meantime my hosts here have showered me with new clothing, and I really need to wash what I already have.  I have been fed every night, and I am resting.  I had a rough weekend of complete exhaustion.  I have started taking the Mannatech products again, and because my system has been so depleted, the concentrated nutrition plus glyconutrients can sometiimes make you feel a little flu-ish at first, and that's probably what happened.  Sunday was a really bad day that way, but I felt quite dizzy all weekend.  As soon as I would take any products, my energy level dropped drastically.  Now, the drop is very slight.  I can still feel it, but my body is adjusting at the cellular level.

One of the cats finally came out and sat near me last night.  Well, "near" being about six feet away.  However, he was quite relaxed about it and didn't scoot off the moment I made eye contact.

In other news, I've got eleven chapters up of my SHERLOCK book.  More chapters to come.  The book is called, "The Blackbird Sings Again," and is a direct sequel to the most recent Sherlock episode, "His Last Vow."  After I put up Chapter 11, I got the following comments from a reader: "On reading the first few pages of chapter 11, all I can say is WHY?  WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!? And now I crown you Mofftiss II...And the thing with the gravestone.  GAH.  That's so Mofftiss.  You're a bloody genius and an evil, evil person.  Maybe you should help write S4."  I was so tickled with those comments (they are actually high praise!) that I was giddy with delight for the rest of the day (yesterday) and am still very delighted.

If anyone wants to read it, I'd be very happy to share the link, but I do ask that you have seen all 9 episodes of Sherlock or you will not know who is who and what is what. All 9 episodes are available on Netflix.  I bought and downloaded them through ITunes.

"Moftiss" is a combination the the two creators of the series, Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss.  They are known for making you all emotional (whether happy or sad) in their Sherlock episodes and then ripping the rug out from under you in a very jarring effect to make you scream What???  Why????  And that's often how each series ends.  Then then they make you wait a couple of years for more.  This is why they are sometimes referred to as Satan and Satan's best friend.  LOL

I'm not entirely certain how many chapters are left although I have the last two written already, and Chapter 12 is nearly done.  I suspect I have a few more to write in order to wrap up the mystery.

So here I sit eating some canned tuna salad on crackers.  Writing.  Resting.