Give it a Try. Whispered the Heart.

Today is one of those days which is not a great day.  Woke up with a horrendous back ache.  Sometimes it happens from sleeping on the lilo, which means I probably need to add more air to it because it's not hard enough.  One does occasionally need to add air to keep it firm.

Then there have been the tears. It's hormonal, but even so, on this day my dreams and hopes seem further from me than ever, and one dream in particular seems so far away.  It is a dream I cannot ever discuss in public due to it's proprietary nature.  And the tears come to my eyes when I think of it and how far away it seems, an impossible goal.  And then the doubts and self-defeatist thoughts wash through my soul with their sharp, painful edges to injure and scar me and reopen old wounds that never seem to heal.  This is one of those days when my soul feels the piercings and woundings.

And yet I sit in a place of complete basic provisions of living.  But I want a life, and that is something that always seems just out of reach.  Perhaps that's why becoming a touring cyclist means so much to me... because it's about finding life.  A life unfettered.  A life of exploration of new possibilities.

I had a hard time when I first arrived here because I was so anemic, so tired all the time and still perhaps recovering from the shock of dreams shattered.  Today I feel that shock anew.  I'm a bit put off by foreign travel now because I would be absolutely mortified if I ever had to go through customs detention like that again. I would just be permanently put off forever by foreign travel. Zing! Another self-defeatist shard just carved a chasm through my heart.

 I have started a new Sherlock book, but it's not really taken off yet for me although I know approximately what I want to do with it.  It will build on the foundation I have already established and is a sequel of sorts, but not of the mystery in the first one.

Six weeks in

I've been here now for six weeks.

In this six weeks I have slept a lot, eaten a lot (too much!), and finished writing my book.  Yes, the book is done.  It's online and available to be read but it would make much more sense if one is up to speed on all 9 episodes of BBC's SHERLOCK.  It's a good book and I'm happy with it.  So happy that I'm starting another one.  It's not a direct sequel but I'll say it's part of a series.  The response has been positive to the first book, and that's good.

Today it's raining, and we're expecting some quite heavy rain this week.  That'll be good for the drought, but it will all be dried up by next week as if it had never happened.  It doesn't seem to bother the hummingbirds who are still out there in force sucking up the sugar water like little drunkards.

On Thanksgiving day I drove the landlady and her mother into Glendale to a Scottish restaurant/pub called Tam O'Shanty's where they met with other family members.  We're going again around Christmas.  The food is great but I won't be ordering again what I ordered because I just ordered too much food.  Well, they are very generous on the meat portions, and as delicious as it was, I won't be ordering meat again.  An appetizer and a side dish are plenty.  The creamed spinach came inside a big Yorkshire pudding and that was a meal by itself.  One of the appetizers was cream cheese filled dates that were wrapped in bacon.  I could have eaten a zillion of those things.  They also had limpa bread, which is a very dark Swedish rye - dark like chocolate cake, and with a very soft texture.  I took some of that home and reheated in the toaster oven.  Very, very good.

I've been so reluctant to purchase anything outside of what I've needed to sustain myself, but I finally gave in and got a couple of pillows, a little mat for in front of the kitchen sink, and some green cloth napkins for Christmas which I will fold into Christmas trees. I also purchased the book, "The Sherlock Chronicles" which is coming from the U.K.  That will, of course, have to go into storage in about 3 months when I hit the road again.

Besides all that it's just quiet here.  I spend much of my day writing or at the computer.

Priorities

Had I been in Scotland as had been planned, one of the things I would have put on my schedule was to see the filmed National Theatre production of Frankenstein with Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller.  Twice.  Because they swapped the roles of the creature and the Doctor.  It's playing here in the US as well.  In fact, it was playing 2.5 miles from where I currently am staying in San Gabriel, and I discovered yesterday afternoon that it was showing yesterday night (one showing only) with Benedict as the creature.  Well, I dropped everything and made a walk for the theater.  Yes, I could have taken the bus, but finances are limited and the ticket price was already $17 (thank you Fandango for the $2 processing free!  Not!).  My left foot, which has been sore for a bit, was not entirely happy with the walk there and even less happy with the walk back.  However, it has little soreness today from the excursion.

I will say this - that Benedict was fantastic.  In fact, I kept looking at him and trying to find him... and he was so made up, his movements so distorted and his voice so distorted, that although I knew it was him, I forgot it was him.  There was nothing recognizable.  He is on stage flopping and flailing about by himself for many minutes at the beginning... and what strength he had to have to do that.  Really had to be in good conditioning... which would have been true of the entire play because it was so physical for the creature, and that I found fascinating. His voice was distorted almost as if he'd suffered a stroke.  It was all very effective.  So I'm interested to see how JLM does it when Ben is playing the doctor.  Hopefully someday this will be released on DVD.

That's what I would have done in Scotland had I been there.  Glad I can do that here.

In the meantime my hosts here have showered me with new clothing, and I really need to wash what I already have.  I have been fed every night, and I am resting.  I had a rough weekend of complete exhaustion.  I have started taking the Mannatech products again, and because my system has been so depleted, the concentrated nutrition plus glyconutrients can sometiimes make you feel a little flu-ish at first, and that's probably what happened.  Sunday was a really bad day that way, but I felt quite dizzy all weekend.  As soon as I would take any products, my energy level dropped drastically.  Now, the drop is very slight.  I can still feel it, but my body is adjusting at the cellular level.

One of the cats finally came out and sat near me last night.  Well, "near" being about six feet away.  However, he was quite relaxed about it and didn't scoot off the moment I made eye contact.

In other news, I've got eleven chapters up of my SHERLOCK book.  More chapters to come.  The book is called, "The Blackbird Sings Again," and is a direct sequel to the most recent Sherlock episode, "His Last Vow."  After I put up Chapter 11, I got the following comments from a reader: "On reading the first few pages of chapter 11, all I can say is WHY?  WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!? And now I crown you Mofftiss II...And the thing with the gravestone.  GAH.  That's so Mofftiss.  You're a bloody genius and an evil, evil person.  Maybe you should help write S4."  I was so tickled with those comments (they are actually high praise!) that I was giddy with delight for the rest of the day (yesterday) and am still very delighted.

If anyone wants to read it, I'd be very happy to share the link, but I do ask that you have seen all 9 episodes of Sherlock or you will not know who is who and what is what. All 9 episodes are available on Netflix.  I bought and downloaded them through ITunes.

"Moftiss" is a combination the the two creators of the series, Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss.  They are known for making you all emotional (whether happy or sad) in their Sherlock episodes and then ripping the rug out from under you in a very jarring effect to make you scream What???  Why????  And that's often how each series ends.  Then then they make you wait a couple of years for more.  This is why they are sometimes referred to as Satan and Satan's best friend.  LOL

I'm not entirely certain how many chapters are left although I have the last two written already, and Chapter 12 is nearly done.  I suspect I have a few more to write in order to wrap up the mystery.

So here I sit eating some canned tuna salad on crackers.  Writing.  Resting.