Restless Soul Syndrome

I've been on a Grey's Anatomy marathon for a little while, and I'm almost through season 3, and I've come to realise that being a doctor or nurse would have been a great career for me.  Now, saying that doesn't mean I would have had the grades to get into medical school or a nursing school.  However, the fact that working in a hospital is different every day and you never know what is going to come through the door or happen with a patient, well, that's the kind of thing that keeps me engaged in life.  When I have a job where I'm bored out of my mind and watching the minutes tick by, just living to get a paycheck, I feel like screaming.  I feel trapped.  I have had those jobs where I feel trapped.  Sometimes I feel trapped in the job I have now.  When the feeling of being trapped sets in, depression is nipping at my heels.  That depression leads me to come home after work and shut down, and I shut down on the weekends too because I need to conserve and recharge to face another Monday and the start of the grind again.

I have restless soul syndrome. I really do.  I need to be challenged.  I need to be moving, I need to have variety.  I need to not look at the clock because I am totally in the moment.  I have a need to be fully engaged in the moment, in life.  Too often I am shut down.

I don't think I'm better than anyone else, but I can't ever go back to a 9-5 job where I'm pushing pencils and papers.  I've been there and done that, and it's time for someone else to do it.  I've worked for $2 an hour and for $45 an hour and all sorts of salaries in between.  I've bussed tables, been a maid, worked fast food, fetched coffee, designed Flash animation during the dot.com bubble, built websites, booked talent, sang for my supper, and I've largely been bored out of my mind.  So thanks but no thanks, I don't want that anymore. 

I'm 54 years old this year.  Some people start planning for their retirement.  I have no intention of ever retiring.  I'm staying engaged in life.  I plan to keep moving, to keep learning, to keep seeing what's out there, and I plan to do it on the bike.